Letters from The Disgruntled (and inconsistently powered) Wizard
by dreaddragonknight
Summary: What happens when a wizard starts hoping around the multiverse going into the realm of stories? well he writes certain big people in those worlds a worded letter telling them off about random stuff, because sanity is optional. Warning it's not just Worm and DxD ( i couldn't figure out how to add more then two sources)
1. High School DxD

High School DxD

Dear Fallen Angels

I am writing this letter to you, in the hopes that you will come and get Azazel, you know one of your leaders, off my back. For you see, he decided my temporary workshop wasn't 'exciting' enough and so he keeps teleporting in hookers both of the magical and mundane kind. While I can enjoy the female form as much as the next guy, I also want to get some work done from my magic experiments to create a money tree, which is really hard to do when hookers are literally falling into my lap and I have to send them back to their residences. So please please come over and get this over-powered and older form of a horny teenager out of my hair. Also before you ask, yes I did try banishing him with my magic, but he kept on dodging, coming right back, or just hitting me with that stupid rocket powered fist of his.

Once again I implore you to come and assist me with this situation. I promise if you do I'll get Merlin's staff for you. Also to sweeten the deal I'll give you guys a recipe for dragon nip that should work pretty well on that Sacred Gear user of yours.

Sincerely,

TDW


	2. Worm

Dear, Cauldron

Yes, for the millionth time I am a wizard and you still can't take me. Like that one bug-girl, Skitter I think her name was, I can and will escalate harder and faster than you can. You saw what I did to those stupid Endbringers of yours.

Now onto why I am writing to you, your Co-worker Contessa is as of this moment clinging to my arm and muttering something about being my 'waifu' whatever that is, and I think she drank something from my potions cabinet. Considering she was intoxicated earlier, didn't read any of the labels, and smashed multiple potions including the one she drank…. Well it makes this rather odd even for me. Now I would like to apologize before I say that… well… I have no idea how to fix this… at all.

Last thing I swear, but you should really pay more attention to your cosmic space worms because one just showed up out of nowhere in the form of a Golden Man in a leotard. It was bothersome and weird, so I sent it to Cthulhu since that is right up his/her/its alley. Also which one of you let Contessa near porn? Cause she is in an apron now… and nothing else… oh wait!

Sincerely,

While Now Having Fun Times

TDW & Contessa


	3. Dresden Files

Dear, White Council

I am writing you all this letter in the hopes that you will heed my advice. GET OFF YOUR COLLECTIVE HIGH HORSES AND GO BURN THOSE RED COURT BLOODSUCKERS! Seriously you all need to stop being such pansies and deal with the vampires who KILLED your vampire expert, and a bunch of your Wardens. Playing the defensive game doesn't work out unless you strike back, because no defense is impervious. They also stole some Blood of a Space God I had lying around, don't ask, and they may try to summon a certain vampire from another world who NOBODY can really kill.

In more happy news, at least for me, I have finally found a way to slap the incarnation of Fate whenever I want to. Also I stole the Merlin's staff, his wards aren't THAT great, but long story short I had a debt to pay off and that was the price. On another note I have found the fairies of this realm to be very interesting, and a bit OCD or ADHD they all seem to flip flop between them. I recommend you get them some mortal medicine or something for that.

Sincerely,

TDW


	4. RWBY

Dear, Ozpin

For the hundredth time, no I did not give some random girls magic powers at any point that I have been on Remnant. I haven't even been here long enough to set up a proper workshop, much less take on apprentices, besides the fact that half of the ones I DO take on tend to go crazy evil and try and take over the world, sexually assault me, or something equally as bad.

Also can you give me some advice? That Salem woman keeps snooping around my place and while she is no doubt interested in my work in space time magic, which I normally wouldn't mind too much, she is giving me this LOOK that makes me uncomfortable. I mean while she is very…. um… well packaged and all, black being where the whites should be in her eyes makes every time she even glance at me disconcerting to say the least. Plus the fact that she is both very scary and insistent, makes me believe she is a sadist and really evil, I dated someone once who was like that, never again… NEVER.

Sincerely,

TDW

P.S please hurry


	5. Percy Jackson

Dear, gods of various pantheons

Stop calling on me to do your errands for you. I am neither your parent, your child, your butler, or your anything. I don't owe any of you anything. Since by the time you read this I'll have arrived at a new world I will provide advice/things I feel like telling you all because I can.

Zeus- keep it in your pants dude and seriously take other people's opinions without the whole threatening them with death thing.

Hera- stop blaming Zeus' demigod kids for HIS bad judgement, it ain't fair to them and you set as bad an example as he does when it comes to self control.

Nyx- get a life, get out more, seriously spending all your time with your spoiled kids and the chaos of creation isn't exactly the best life choices.

Odin- try not use power points for EVERYTHING, they aren't nearly interesting enough to be worth it.

Thor- Put a freaking tracking device on that hammer dude, it isn't that hard, it keeps getting stolen and nobody is interested in looking all over the nine worlds for it.

Set- go to Vegas my friend, plenty of desert, plenty of chaos, and plenty people losing money.

Isis- take a gods damned vacation, everyone is tired of you and your baby pictures of Horus.

Sincerely,

TDW


	6. Star Wars

Dear, Emperor Palpatine

I am writing this letter in the hopes that you shall stop doing the things that aggravate me. Of course one of the things I am speaking of is your super weapon fetish. If you wish to deny it stop making sphere-like space stations that blow up planets, you aren't fooling anyone that bothers to think about it.

Another thing I have to talk about is your obsession with living forever. It's really quite creepy in all honesty and so I have decided to destroy all your clone bodies. Also I refuse to tell you how I technically became immortal under the basis that you are crazy, unlikable, smell funny, creepy, and because I don't want you following me around the multiverse.

By the way I would like to let you know that if you try and convert me to your ridiculous religion, The Force or whatever it's called, again I WILL curse you with explosive diarrhea. This farm boy I met kept trying to talk to me about it or something and it got really annoying. So I teleported him to this city where this really verbally challenged creature calling itself JarJar Binks lived.

Sincerely,

TDW

P.S tell Thrawn I am bring the snacks this time to game night


End file.
